What He Does To Me

Every time he says my name I feel blessed; blessed to have someone say my name with so much honesty and meaning. My name is so much more than a name to him, in those two syllables he tells me that he truly sees me and accepts me for who I really am while the strength and power in his voice says that I belong to him and I am his alone.

My heart skips a beat with every passing glance.  A brush of the hand takes my breath away and only his kiss breathes life back into me.  When his eyes meet mine I can see who I really am along with who I will become and my heart fills with a love I have never before experienced.

When he opens his arms to me he is inviting me to come home and when he pulls me close I willingly surrender, feeling his love, his strength, his confidence and his passion. In his arms I am able to see him, all that he ever was, all that he is, and all he will ever be... I am home.

One Dark and Cool Night

It was late when she dropped him off at his house. It was getting cold, the sun was gone, and the moon was offering only a faint light.  This had been a special night although if you would ask her why she would be at a loss for an adequate explanation. She caught herself pondering if that may be the reason this night was so special, because there was no one discernible thing that made this night so unique. 

He looked at her to say 'goodnight', a mischievous smile crossing his lips, his eyes bright even in the darkness and made little hesitation to open the car door and walk away. Almost shocked at his readiness to leave her company she heard her voice call out his name before she had a chance to stop it and he quickly turned facing her. By now he had his white fedora casually placed on his head and low towards his brow and a cigarette dangled casually from his lips. She caught herself staring at his silhouette in the night and became transfixed on that cigarette. Never before had she found cigarette smoking in any way sexy but this unlit cigarette clinging to his lips had her mind wandering as she imagined what it would be like to take that cigarette from his mouth...

"Yes?" was all he said as he leaned low into the car window on the opposite side of where she was sitting. She was almost startled as she found herself wishing for a camera just to capture this perfect image framed by her car window. Stammering for an appropriate explanation for calling out his name she blurted out the truth, "I just wanted to look at you once more..." It occurred to her that the awkwardness of the moment, even if it was only in her imagination, had forced her to hold her breath and speaking the truth was the only way she would be able to breathe again; she felt a short sense of relief until she realized he had yet to respond.  He laughed gently as he repeated his earlier 'goodnight' and lit his cigarette as he walked towards his front door. She sat there watching the cigarette burn in the dark and the smoke glide across his body as he got closer to the light of his front porch. He turned and tipped his hat to her as he went inside and despite her embarrassment she told herself that she would never be sorry she watched him walk in the moonlight that one cool and dark Autumn night.

Tea Time With Crickets

Sora__Tea_Time_With_Jiminy_by_nikko2nick

The picture was too amusing not to share.  I believe nothing I say about it can improve upon it but only detract so I'll let you just enjoy it... I'll wait...

Ok, to the matter at hand, I have a request but need to explain why first.

I had to download a "White Noise" app on my phone, long story and not the point so I'll skip it.  One of the sounds you can choose to put you to sleep is the sounds of crickets.  I layed awake for a brief while thinking about how frustrating the sound of one cricket can be but the sound of a collection of them sweeps me back to cool nights by a campfire or sleeping at a cabin by a creek in the woods by where I grew up.  I am content and I drift off feeling as carefree as I did in those moments.

This begs the question, why do we hate that ONE cricket that we can't find or just won't die?  Is it because a collection of crickets sounds like a symphony but one is just obnoxious?  Or is it because we just can't put our finger on it but there's something a little "off" with that cricket and that must be why he was exiled from all his buddy crickets?  Or maybe, deep down we're worried this is our own personal Jiminy Cricket and we want to squash that son of b*tch as soon as possible!

I think someone should write a song about this.  I think that would be neat.  Maybe Disney would buy it.

A Lesson In Gratitude

Embrace Me by ~pianobleeder

2011 has been a year that has taught me more about gratitude than any other year has before.  My lesson truly began in June when I met someone who immediately began teaching me the importance of living a life of gratitude and how healing it can be.  This person quickly became one of my best friends and after a few months when I was faced with the idea of losing him I realized that he had become much more than a friend to me so this year I want to write a gratitude blog about this man that taught me so much more than just living a life of gratitude.

When you spend so many years of your life believing in a certain kind of love, knowing it exists even if you haven't personally experienced it, it can be far too easy to begin to question it, challenge it, or run from it for fear that if you are wrong, this could hurt more than any kind of hurt before it.  Then one day you realize that you could either be more afraid of the possibility of going through hurt again or the hurt of never really knowing and giving something that could really be great a chance.  I know because I have spent the past few months wrestling with these thoughts and last month I had to surrender to the truth for me which was that I was deeply in love with a man who had become my best friend.  To this man I want to express the deepest gratitude for everything he has shown me that has been a new feeling or experience without him even realizing it.  I want to express thanks for everything but I can't begin to count the new things we've experienced together so I will narrow it to the things that have been the most valuable and memorable to me...


For the first time I knew a man that jumped with excitement whenever I had a crazy idea.  One night we were together I wore my prettiest little sun dress when it began to rain.  This rare rainy Arizona night you took me by the hand, snuck with me to a giant fountain on a busy intersection, climbed in, and as you put your hand around my waist, pulled me close and gave me my first kiss not only in the rain but in the fountain.  You laughed with me as the rain began to pour and we ran back to my car soaked from head to toe.  From this moment you have taken me by the hand and held on tight.  So often you have let me believe that I was leading you but really we both know you have been leading me.


I have always been a bit of a red balloon that floats along through my life.  I have remained elusive and content floating along just out of reach of any eager hands.  You were the tallest though and you were able to reach me.  You have held on to me as I float along allowing me to float, never wanting me to be any other way but instead enjoying the experience.  You have also kept me steady through the wind and the storms.  You have seen the sun shine through me and basked in my light.  You have seen all that I am and all that can and will be.


Never before have I felt the depth of love I feel from you.  Together we have grown to know a feeling we both knew existed but were sure we would never experience it.  You are the first to never let me go and the even when I needed space, you were the first to give that space to me but never made me feel forgotten or punished.  You are the first to love me enough to know when it's the right time to tell me what I need to hear.  You are the first to love me, touch me, and speak to me in a way that never feels belittling or demeaning.  You are the first to hold me close, let me cry, and when I'm finished you still don't let go as though your work is done.  Loving me is not work for you, it comes natural, it flows... you have taught me how easy it can be to just fall into love and know that the person you love is there to fall with you and make you feel safe and secure.  You are the first to watch every movie or hold me for every song I want to show you that has meaning to me.  You are the first to stand your ground and remain the amazing man I fell in love with as you learn how we can cooperate together as a couple.  We don't feel it necessary to compromise because we have learned this amazing ability to cooperate instead.


On this day, I want to express my gratitude to the universe, to God, to you, and to us for the opportunity to see to fruition a love I knew I was capable of knowing.  You have been the bravest man I have ever known to even begin to fall in love with me, never push me away, no matter how much either one of us got scared.  I will be eternally grateful for all you have and will continue to teach me.  You have brought a peace, a contentment, and a balance to my very essence I never thought possible.  For the first time I truly feel as though an eternity will not be long enough to love you, to hold you, to kiss you, and to lie safely in your arms.


I love you Andrew... beyond the sun, moon, and stars, I belong to you.  Thank you for your love, your confidence in yourself, me, and us.  Thank you for being all that is you and never holding back and allowing me to do the same.  Thank you for helping me become a greater version of myself.  Thank you for making me feel like every day is the first day of the rest of our lives.  Never again will I feel lost because you will always see me like you did the moment we met... really see me.  I can look into your passionate, kind, and loving eyes and feel found all over again.  I wish I could make all of this sound more poetic for you but this feeling is one I have never known before so words have not come easily for me, as you know.  You deserve so much though and I'm going to make sure you get it... you deserve ME.